Meet My New Neighbors

Last year the house to my right was sold, it was on the market for three years. The reason it has not sold is because it is only a two bedroom, one house. It must be about 1,200 square feet. It has two lots that goes with the house, so the house may only be worth 100,000, but the land is worth around 400,000. A married couple, with two grown kids, finally purchased it for 375,000 dollars. It is big enough for them two. The lady works in Savannah at the phone company, been there 29 years, she is an engineer, makes around 90,000 a year. Her hubby has been going back to school at the ripe old age of 48. He has had about 40 jobs since school days. The problem with him, he is a recovering drunk and a dope head. He told me that he was on crack for years and has been to rehab several times. When she first met me, she said holy shit, Joe, that's me,that I look like a dope smoker and a heavy drinker. She was very scarced that me and her hubby would become good friends and he would drop off the wagon again. He has not had a drink in three years and has been clean of drugs for four years, she was very worried. My wife and I are better friends with the woman than the man, I think he trys his best to stay away from me. He told me a few weeks ago, that if he fucked up again, and started his old habits again, she would kick his ass out of the house and leave his sorry ass. Here is the story, I have been sending them jokes and emails for about a year, they always told me that they loved dirty jokes and funny stories. Well night before last, I sent her and him a few jokes and some nasty pictures and she hit the roof, she called me and told me to take her off of my email list and don't ever send them anything else. So I took them off my email list, no big deal for me. That is the story of neighbor number one. Pussy whipped motherfucker. Not much of a man in my book. First of all he is fucked up and never should have been a drunk and on drugs. Here comes couple number two. They just purchased the house to my left, a big brick home and it has been up for sale for about a year. When they were moving in, a went over and talked to them, I offered my help for several items and chores they had. My wife and his wife talked a lot at first and me and him would talk and see each other out in our yards. His house is a three bedroom, two bath brick home, but it sits on just one acre. One day she was down by the pond and asked me what was that is the water? I told her it was a otter, I told her that they would eat all of my fish that I have purchased and put into the pond. She was watching the otters and then I took out my pistol and shot both of the otters, she almost shit her pants. She was mad, another fucking tree hugger. Two days later she saw me kill a gator and she ran into her house. Vman came to my house one weekend and shot another gator, while she was walking her big ass goofy dog, she saw the dead gator with an ant bed living on his back. She almost shit again. Here is the killer folks. About two weeks ago, I picked some veggies and took them over to her husband, and asked him did he wanted them. He said, hell yes, I love those fresh picked veggies. I gave him a shit load of them, but I did not see her in his house. She was there, but she was hiding from me. He thanked me again for the food and I told him that I would have some more in a few days, would he like some more, he said sure, I will take all you got, cause I just lost my job and my money is short. I told him okay and that I would see him later. I went home and got in my truck and went for a drive, while I was gone he came to my house with all the fresh veggies that I just took over to him one hour before. He told Nancy that his wife hates me and it would not be right for them to eat my food and they dislike me so much. So he left the food on my kitchen table. When I got home, Nancy told me the story about the veggies and that he also said that his wife was scared to come outside and walk around his backyard, bullshit. He really wanted those veggies and did not have the balls to tell his bride to go fuck herself. Another no ball motherfucker. That is the story of neighbor number two. Did I tell you that all of my neighbors suck a big one and the men have no balls. I hope you have better ones than me. Take care, Cat